The Journey of Our Broken Hearts: Part 2 of 2

Setting our story free (you can find Part 1 HERE) and having it received with such love, concern and support was such a beautiful gift that you gave to us. Thank you for the thoughtful comments and private messages, the suggestions and inquiries about various aspects of this horrible experience. I regret my lack of foresight in recognizing the strong reaction people would have to hearing this for the first time. We felt your outrage, sorrow and shock because we felt it, every day for 2  years, 6 months, 5 days.

It took up every second of every day for 919 days. For 22, 056 hours, we suffocated under the weight of it. No matter what we did, it hung over us like a heavy wet blanket permeating every thought, every feeling, every moment with no reprieve. I can count on one hand the times that we felt anything other than dread, fear and hopelessness. We have been through a lot in the last 21 years, however nothing came close to the devastation this caused and the impact it had on every aspect of our lives.

It was on New Year’s Eve 2024 that we transitioned from a place of defeat, rage and helplessness to a space of surrender and hope and a vow to leave that-which-almost-destroyed-us in 2024. The nurse, the CNO and every step of this nightmare had already taken so much from us. We made a conscious decision to commit to our health and well-being and to give ourselves permission to feel joy again.

For the past 2 months we have made leaps and bounds in finding our way back to ourselves. Our days and nights are no longer consumed by what happened. I am so appreciative of everyone’s concern, and I regret not clarifying that the events that I shared are in our past now. We are on the other side and are thriving once again. Being as this was the first time people were hearing of what happened, there were, naturally, lots of suggestions and questions that arose. I want to address a few things that came up in the comments and in the private messages I received to add further clarity to Part 1.

Meredith

For a long time, Meredith screamed every evening at 6:30pm on the dot without fail. We assumed it was neurological. Within two weeks of this discovery, there were obvious changes in Meredith’s behaviour. She no longer screamed in the evening and started sleeping through the night. We now recognize that on some level she knew her routine and that once given her bedtime medications and being put to bed, she would be in for 9 hours of ill treatment and neglect. She is a “live-in-the-moment” kind of gal, and with a lot of love, gentleness, reassurance and repeatedly telling her that she was safe, we feel she was able to move on from this once she had time for her nervous system to settle and have consistent nights where she wasn’t being abused. I am happy to report that aside from some medical issues, she is happy and doing well.

Civil Litigation

Initially, when all of this happened, we were determined to destroy this person and that included considering a civil lawsuit. We also would

have had to sue the nursing agency that employed her at the time and frankly, that wasn’t an option. Our nursing needs are so extensive that at the time (right in the midst of the covid pandemic) there were no other agencies that could take us on. Suing the one we were with would have led to us losing the one night nurse we had (and still have). But more importantly, and I want to be clear about this, the nursing agency had done nothing wrong. They were visibly mortified, did a thorough investigation and terminated her employment immediately. In fact, looking back, they may have been the only ones who got it right.

Our biggest concern was (and still is) the safety of the public. Any financial gain from suing would not do a thing to protect anyone or change what happened. We knew the additional stress that would come with it and we wanted to conserve our energy as much as possible. In the end, we decided to put our focus on the formal complaint we made to the CNO (College of Nurses of Ontario) and the report we made with the OPP (Ontario Provincial Police). There is a two-year window from the date of the incident to pursue civil legal action. Once we passed June 27^th, 2024, this option was off the table. We do not regret our decision. As far as suing the College of Nurses of Ontario? They are conveniently protected from civil suits.

 The Media

The final blow came when the assault charges were dropped in October 2024. Our understanding was that there was little chance for conviction due to the CNO’s decision. This is the part that has caused such disbelief. The police officer and the Crown Attorney who handled our case were incredible and tried so hard to have a different outcome. We had been told on a couple of occasions that the police and the college engage in a waiting game of sorts in that the OPP delays charging until they see what the college will do and the college, once they are aware that the police are involved, wait to see what happens in the criminal case. If a nurse is charged and convicted, that simplifies their investigation exponentially. The college is like an expert witness when it comes to criminal cases. Our understanding is that the college committee waited as long as they could before coming to a decision. With all the video evidence, it took them ten long and painful months. It was far from the decision that we ever expected and it was this moment, that I believe, broke our hearts.

What was most perplexing was that the OPP then further delayed pressing charges. I suspect, due to the CNO’s decision, they were conflicted however, the videos showed blatant assault and so they proceeded in February 2024 (10 months after the CNO’s decision) to charge her with two counts of assault. I have to say, this was a highlight in the whole 2.5 years. The conditions attached to the charges gave us some relief knowing that if she were to be alone with a vulnerable patient that she would be breaking these conditions. Fast forward to October 2024 and we were bluntly informed that the charges would be dropped. It was at this point that we reached out to the media.

We were contacted by a CTV reporter and we were so grateful for her willingness to look into it. At the same time, we were contacted by a CBC investigative journalist who had recently reported on the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario and the need for stricter oversight when it comes to the abuse suffered by patients at the hands of doctors who then get off scot-free. We decided to proceed with CBC as we felt this was a better fit as it would include published reports as well as television. After a few telephone conversations, we agreed to share some of the video clips with the reporter. We were anxious to get some answers and finally share our story with the public. But then everything came to a grinding halt rather abruptly. Long story short, the reporter’s workplace went through some changes and on January 26^th 2025 we were told that, ultimately, she did not have the ability to work on our story. And this is why, we decided to take matters into our own hands and share it ourselves. Of course, if there was media interest in doing a deep dive into this, we would be open to that. Again, we believe that our case is not unique in that there are others who have had to witness the abuse of a loved one by a registered professional only to have the governing college/ criminal justice system fail them.

Our Thoughts on How This Happened

When you view hours of video footage of your child being roughly mistreated, neglected, abused and assaulted by a trusted professional, there is no escaping the trauma. When the powers that be essentially side with the abuser when the evidence is clear, there are moments where you question your sanity. I don’t know how many times I asked Tim if I was missing something. I just couldn’t understand how the College of Nurses didn’t panic when they saw the videos. Furthermore, the fact that this case didn’t proceed to the Discipline Committee is beyond comprehension.

We have reflected on this countless times over the last 2 ½ years and have come up with some theories. Let me be clear: these are not excuses for how it all turned out. Instead, they may shed light on the cracks in the systems that allowed this to happen.

1. In June 2022, the world was in the middle of the Covid 19 pandemic. Canada was facing a critical nursing shortage, with demand for nurses outpacing supply. We believe that pre-pandemic, our case would have been viewed much differently. Desperation changes behaviour and I think the CNO was (and is) so desperate for nurses that they chose to turn away from the blatant abuse that was right in front of them

2. The CNO’s Inquiries, Complaints and Reports Committee that reviewed the investigator’s report and ultimately gave the slap on the wrist, was the outgoing committee. A newly elected committee was due to start in June of 2023. I wonder if the ICRC group that was on their way out were rushing through the files in order to leave a clean slate for the incoming group.

3. This waiting game that is played between the college and the OPP is deeply disturbing. A professional regulatory body should NEVER trump the criminal code. Assault is assault and if the police deemed at least two video clips worthy of assault charges, why did they wait 20 months before charging her and then how could a random Judge come to the conclusion that due to the college’s professional opinion, it would be difficult to convict this nurse?

4. Furthermore, we wonder who actually viewed the 59 video clips of incidents of abuse, roughness, neglect and assault. Did the ICRC review the videos or did they just read a report that was obviously sympathetic to the abuser? I know the OPP officer and the Crown Attorney viewed the videos but did the Judge who, at a pre-trial meeting, abruptly shut things down in a matter of minutes? Did the members of the Health Professions Appeal and Review Board with whom we appealed the CNO’s decision look at the videos? Any decent human being with a beating heart could not look at those videos and be absolutely mortified. Period.

Where We Are Now

We have been overwhelmed by support and love and genuine concern by so many who read Part 1 and learned of our story. For this we are deeply grateful. It is this support that we wish we had while we were in the depths of it. We couldn’t talk about it publicly for fear of damaging our case and so we struggled along silently and in isolation except for our immediate families and closest friends. We were both naturally traumatized by not only viewing the abuse repeatedly to build our case but by the lack of concern by the systems in place to “supposedly” protect the public.

Newsflash: THE PUBLIC IS NOT PROTECTED.

As we reached the end of the road as far as exhausting all avenues to bring some sort of justice to Meredith, we also arrived at the cusp of a new year with the intention of putting our energy into healing, into our health and well-being and into finding moments of joy.

It was as though our ability to feel happiness was stifled under the weight of this dark secret we had to carry. I assure you that we are doing well. Sharing our story was a part of our recovery and doing so has been therapeutic and cathartic.

As a result of it, something else occurred that I was not expecting: my writer’s block has crumbled and I anticipate a lot more action in this blog space in the coming days, weeks and months. There are a lot of things that I want to express and share and I hope you will all stick around for the journey.